“Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is fear walking.”
What is courage for you?
What comes to mind when you read the word courage? If you think back to a moment when you felt courageous - how did it feel? Where in your body can you notice courage? What color and shape does courage have for you?
I believe that the most rewarding journeys we will experience in life are all possible when courage is allowed to expand despite the fearful voices in your head. Courage is a skill that we can work like a muscle. Everytime we are at the edge of our comfort zone and fear is calling us back, courage is pulling us forward. The more we dare to take little courageous and bold steps, the more courage and curiosity have the space to expand.
Fear will always accompany courage
Many coaching clients and people in my surroundings tell me about their dreams, their ideas or the urge within them to change course and bring forth their unique light. Whilst dreaming about such life changes is a great place to start, real change only happens when we invite courage to open that door of possibilty and take a first step. A first step can be tiny or big - depending on what feels right for you. That first step will most certainly always feel scary until you have taken it and realize: “that was not so bad after all”.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that we will one day wake up and feel ready and that after having “overcome fear and all our self-limiting beliefs” we will be free to create the life of our dreams. I don’t know about you, but that day has never come for me so far. We thus have a choice - we can either dream and wait or we can dream and walk.
As Susan David in her book Emotional Agility eloquently writes:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is fear walking.”
But how do you start walking?
You might think that what you just read sounds great in theory, but how to put it into practice? The answer is simple, but not easy: by practicing. (Re-)start practicing being with fear, but not letting fear define what roads you take. (Re-)start taking courageous and creative little steps that prove to your fearful voices: “we are safe venturing out into the unknown”.
1) BEING WITH FEAR: You can practice noticing the fearful voices in your head. What are you afraid of? What does fear feel like in your body? Become intimate with the fears that show up on a regular basis. Maybe you even want to give your fears a name? A shape? A color?
The more you practice being with fear, the more your awareness of fear grows. When fear will visit next time, you might be able to take a deep breath and welcome fear in your body. Maybe there might even be the opportunity to create space between you and fear. Ask fear: “What are you trying to help me to do"? Are you trying to keep me safe?” Notice what fear answers and thank fear for the job it is trying to do.
2) INVITING IN COURAGE: Once you have acknowledged fear and given it the space to be but not to rule, courage can start expanding. Start inviting in courage. Take deep breaths. Connect to why you want to do what you want to do. Do you want to be able to be more yourself? Do you want to create more intimacy in your relationship? Do you want to start a project? How will you feel once you have taken a step into the direction you want to head towards? Let that emotion grow in your body. Connect to it. Breathe into it. And then dare.
3) EXERCISE: A great exercise that I love to do is inspired by Elizabetz Gilbert and her marvellous book “Big Magic”. She writes:
“So I don’t try to kill off my fear. I don’t go to war against it. Instead, I make all that space for it. Heaps of space. Every single day. I’m making space for fear right this moment. I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too. In fact, I cordially invite fear to come along with me everywhere I go. I even have a welcome speech prepared for fear, which I deliver right before embarking upon any new project or big adventure.”
What would your welcome speech to fear sound like? What do you want fear to know?
Courage is an everyday choice
Courage is a value and a way of life. It can be applied to everything. I believe that daring to live life your way requires courage. Daring to live life open-heartedly requires courage. Daring to tell someone you love them without knowing if you will hear it back requires courage. Daring to initiate sex might take courage. Daring to quit your job might take courage. Daring to start your project might take courage. Daring to be with discomfort instead of running away from it takes massive courage. Facing yourself and your shadows can be the most courageous thing you have ever done. Daring to speak your truth - particularly if it is an unpopular opinion - is courage speaking. Courage is failing and falling and choosing to get up again and try. Courage is walking into the darkness and into the unknown. Courage is paving your own path.
Failing and falling are part of the journey
Courage is the integrated knowing that “failing” and “falling” are integral parts of everyone’s life journey. I have failed many times in life and particularly on my business journey. A lot of things did not work out. Let me give you a few examples: I started a youtube channel, but noticed it was not for me and stopped. I started a podcast, but after a year I lost inspiration and stopped. In my second last retreat before my pregnancy / maternity leave, a person decided that this style of retreat was not for her and left the second day of the retreat. I started a membership, but after a few months all the people that signed up initially had cancelled again. I did retreats that financially made absolutely no sense, but from a people’s perspective were often the most rewarding experiences.
Was I afraid that I was “not going to make it”? Yes. Was I afraid what people would think of me? Sometimes, yes. Was I afraid that “I might not be able to pay the bills at the end of the month?” Sometimes, yes. Was I afraid of doing a retreat with “only four people instead of 10”? Yes. Was I afraid of “talking about money”? Massive yes in the beginning of my journey. Was I sometimes afraid of speaking my truth when it came to business partnerships? Yes and I hurt people in that process.
All these fears were and sometimes still are present. But you know what - I would do it all again. Every single experience, every single fail, every single fall has taught me incredible lessons. Without them I would not be who I am today. Yes, sometimes shame thinks I should not talk about my fails. I should rather hide them and only talk about what is going well to “sell better”. It is, however, very far from the truth of anyone’s business or life journey. I fail. You fail. We are all trying to navigate our lives that we have never lived before - so how should we already have a recipe for it?
A courageous invitation for you
Let these words be an invitation for you to dare something today. What have you been putting off because it scares you? How can you train your courage muscle today?
Write it on a piece of paper and then start tackling it. In little courageous steps, allowing fear to walk next to you, but not to take over.
Would you like some support?
Commitments are great to take in your head, but when someone else knows about it, it is sometimes easier to take a first step. Who can support you on your courage journey? Maybe a friend or your partner? If you would like coaching support on whatevery you would like to tackle - I would love to support you on that journey!
